thE endlesS sleeP

They were running down my spine
Fast, steady and unbroken
The shirt had clenched my body in fear
Exposing the white skin underneath
I ran in haste, searching for him in the dark
That was the day when it was raining hard.

With a thudding heart, I was running around
Ignoring the puddles, mud crawling up my legs
It thundered again and I crawled aside
The crickets shouted in unison
"Hey lady! he has left you tonight."

I wasn't ready to accept
That it was happening again
The band-aids were falling apart
Making me bleed ruthlessly
Leaving the traces of blood, I crawled a little further
Tired but still dragging myself, to hear the murmurs.

I could hear him make promises to her
which he had once made to me
I was lying there silent with closed eyes
Tracing out last memory
The wounds were all open again, blood just won't stop
It was then when I decided to let my heart stop.

Water was carrying my blood all over the streets
I was letting myself sleep, for what seemed best to me
My life was moving down in the drains
Was I ever his love? the thought came
I wanted an answer, a truth or a lie
And before I could get up, my soul said goodbye.

My body is still lying on that street
I wonder if he had found me
Kissed me or hugged me
I wonder if he buried my corpse deep
Because I still love him with my heart n soul
Even in this never ending sleep.

It's not a foetus ! It's my baby

                                                                                

Out of those many relationships we are tied to, we cherish some of them more than others. They connect people closer in every aspect. People say that the most beautiful of them is that of the mother and her child. True that. A mother always love her baby more than herself, because that baby is her own part.
Not only a mother, but I guess many of us enjoy observing babies, and their gestures, the way they react to things, but we do not understand the meaning behind those gestures. It is only a mother who knows when her child is happy, when he is sad or irritated or what he want at any point of time.

Imagine, when a mother is so attached to her baby when he is born, how attached she must be when the baby was inside her ! Her own part, growing every second. Ever wondered, even when your mom was not hungry, she ate so that you don't remain hungry. She drank so that you don't get thirsty. She cared her best for 9 long months. She spoke to her tummy, feeling you inside. To some all this might be sounding weird, but give it a thought.


I once asked my aunt "how old is the foetus now ? " and that very instant she shouted "it's not a foetus, its my baby". Our mom has sacrificed a lot for us. Sacrifices as not always to be huge but those small things she did- staying up all night to look after you, feed you, to take care of you ,are things way more than anything. She was and has always been selfless and walked an extra mile to give you the best. Love her every second of your life because she never asked anything in return. If you fight with her, mend it because you sometimes ignore but she does feel bad. If you ever were rude to her, apologize, because she never was when you made so many mistakes. Never leave her at any point of your life because she always held your hand strong when you were afraid of the dark.

The miracle of life is nurtured by a woman, who gave us love , a love beyond compare and sacrifices- our mom.
So this mother's day let her know that you love her, make her feel special and pamper her :D
Its her day !!!


                                                          -To every mother out there- YOU ARE THE BEST :)

Let go

Every second of our lives, we fear something or the other. A fear as large as dying or a fear as small as flunking an exam. These fears sometimes reside in us and in this whole process we lose "living". We keep thinking bout it, its consequences. We panic ourselves, sob, stress our brain as if there are not enough reasons to be stressed about. But the point is if I keep thinking that I am going die, if I keep fearing it, and as human nature is, that fear tears me apart, makes me anxious and takes away life from that period, am I not wasting my time left when I am still alive ?

The mere thought of losing a loved one hyperventilates us so much. Why ? Keep away the sentiments and think practically. If that person is suppose to stay in our life, he will. If not let him go. Maybe it was not meant to be like u imagined. As they say, every tale cannot have a happy ending.

The anxiety will not fade away, the fear will not vanish, my brain will run 2 times faster than usual, thinking all the negative things. But why not try to let it be. Because you gave your shot. To goal or not is not completely in your hands. Because even if you aimed correct, the air might changed the trajectory and you may miss it.


Life is uncertain with its own ups and down. And no matter what, we have to face them. Stay happy when you are up, and manage to do the same when you are down, bear the pressure. (People with naughty mind can take this otherwise also :D ).

My Abstract Theories

Sometimes we live a reality in our dreams and sometimes we dream in reality. A truth, a fear keeps hovering around which reside inside us after a point of time. And just like a parasite, it starts sucking happiness from our lives. A movie quoted "life is about moment of impact. It can change our lives forever. But what if one day, you could no longer remember any of those? " It terrified me, when I imagined my life where I will be alien to all the moments collected so far in my diary of life. It will be nothing but a hollow space filled with helplessness.

Human nature has emotions. Some people know how to express them and some do not. We expect everything perfect, in place and "easy to get". But life is not easy. It force us every moment to not get what we want but achieve it. Life tests us and our strength. It is easy for me to write , that don't crib about things rather cherish them. But it is hard to follow.

So why not after we are done with cribbing, for once think about the moments which held a special place in our heart. Why not try to re-live them ? It may make us smile or sob. But why not let the volcano inside us erupt and let the lava ooze out ? (With lava I meant emotions :P )

Being optimistic is better than being a pessimist. Light is better than dark. Expressing is better than hiding. And a smile is better than tears (it save your eyes from getting puffed). The tree of hope will bear fruits someday and they will be as sweet as honey ! Because keeping your head strong and breaking free is far better than breaking down.

Gossamer

Gossamer is a fine, filmy cobweb which you see on grass or floating in the air especially in autumn. Memories are somewhat like them. Sometimes thin, sometimes thick but they always float around you.

A memory can be as small as buying your dad a pen from your first salary or dancing together because for that one moment you stood close to each other or it can be as big as your wedding day or the trauma you faced during an accident.

Size does not matter (yes finally something where size "zero" is not expected), it is the depth or you may call the impact that memory left on you. You might have seen many out there, who are living the past in their present. It is nothing abnormal but something which is still alive in you, with you. Someone who is dead "physically" still lives with you in your memories unless you really want to flush them out.

I remember my dadi telling me that dadu will not be coming back from the hospital and when I asked how will I see him again? She replied "he is in the sky.. the brightest star is him and he will be watching me sleep every night like he used to before going to the hospital. " Today, inspite of knowing that it is not true, I still believe he watches me. Because I want to believe he is still around.

We all have an unspoken truth, a deep dark secret, some dusty memories and some priceless captures in our mind which keep floating around us. Share yours... :)

Celebrating Womanhood

Celebrate what you are, because you are powerful, you are sugar sweet, you are the color in every man's life and most importantly- you are a woman !

What comes to your mind when you read the word "woman" ? A human being with female genitals, a pair of bosoms with an attire to woo you ? Well this is not wrong but it has a lot more attached to it. Because a woman is the princess of all things. She can be your 3 am pillow talk philosopher, a child's secret Santa, godmother of abandoned pets, wizard of odd and what not !

Apart from being your wife/girlfriend/ friend etc, she is a dreamer, she is spontaneous, many times bitten but never shy. True, she is the engineer of your house but she is also the queen of lotions, potions and solutions.

She can woo you with one stare, she can make the men in her frame bow down in seconds, she is what i call a true n pure form of "shakti".

Be it a daughter, a wife, a mother, she has played every role commendably. She has completed the unfinished portrait of your life. She is beautiful, love her with all your heart and soul. Dont cheat or hurt her. Rather, respect ! Because she deserves the best.

Love what you are ladies. because you can run the world ... :)

Summing up...

My ammi used to tell me fairy tales which I believed and thought when I will grow up, I too will be a part of them. Those fine bright days do not really exist today. No more fairy tales, I do not even remember the last time I lay in my ammi's lap.

Time and again I went through my childhood lane and realised how ironical life is now. I spent hours playing on the streets, where now I walk alone. Friend circle has cut down to a handkerchief which use to be a full length saree. Emotions were limited to happy- when dad got me a new doll, sad- when I fought with my best friend, anger- when I did not get my favourite ice cream and fear- when ammi left my hand. Today I cannot even figure out how my mood is going to be in the next hour.

I loved that easy life. I do not hate the complex one but at times, it is hard to cope with it. It is hard to forget the bad, it is hard to hold back those tears. I miss the family time, dinners which are limited to Sundays. I miss my ammi's caress when she used to make me sleep. I miss playing for hours without the tension of completing assignments. I miss it all. But like it is said, you grow up with time (you need to) and learn to walk with it.

This year has been not less than a roller coaster ride. So this new year I plan to spend family time, balance and sort my life.

Start with a new beginning, a fresh start, some beautiful hopes, aim high, fulfill at least one wish, find that one person in your life who you know will stay with you no matter what, smile and spread it.

So what's your new year resolution ? :)